Whether you are new to the idea of boundaries or interested in a refresher on how to define where you end and others begin, this book is excellent at breaking down boundaries for all the different areas of life.
SYNOPSIS
SET BOUNDARIES.
We all know we should have them–in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do “healthy boundaries” really mean — and how can we successfully express our needs, say “no,” and be assertive without offending others?
FIND PEACE.
Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology–and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more. from The Author’s Website
MY THOUGHTS
Did y’all know about boundaries?? I think I had an inkling but as a people pleaser this was a challenging concept for me. I have been living my life so far and thinking, “Why make other people uncomfortable if I could just do it all / take it all – whatever! I don’t want to be a bother!”
I actually tried to read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud but it was too intermingled with Christianity for me. Even though I am a practicing Catholic, a lot of my boundary issues are grounded in guilty and shame and the feeling that I should be doing more for, I dunno… everyone else. I needed something that was not faith based. This book was recommended to me and, for my needs, it was far superior.
As with most self help books, the first 100 pages are why we need the things we are reading this book for and what happens when we don’t have them. Unlike other books (I am side-eying The Sleep Solution here – we know we need sleep!), I genuinely needed this for boundaries. I was confused about what boundaries are, how to make them, and how they could benefit me. Won’t they make people hate me? Won’t they make me seem mean and unfriendly? I also definitely fell into the trap of thinking that all boundaries were “logical” or “self-evident” and if there was discomfort, it was probably my fault for not understanding a social or society norm.
The fear of being mean is based on the assumption that you know how the other person will view your words.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
The author made it very clear early and often in the book that boundaries are not common sense. And, not being liked by everyone is a small price to pay for the overall health of other relationships. Additionally, when we set boundaries with people we are changing our relationship because we are changing what we are willing to tolerate. And, as the book clarified for me, when we become clear about our expectations we learn exactly who is and you isn’t willing to honor what we need and want.
Nedra then goes through all the major relationships and situations in a person’s life to demonstrate possible boundary issues and boundaries to be made. These include:
- Family
- Romantic Relationships
- Friendships
- Work
- Social Media and Technology
The thing that struck me the most is how many times I have heard and honored other people’s boundaries but struggled to set my own – even with myself! You would think after reading all that I have on Burnout and Anxiety that I would recognize one of the major ways I was sabotaging my own mental health, but I wasn’t.
If you are constantly pondering ways to identify and express your needs to others, this book is an excellent place to start.
Tell me, please! What do you think when you hear “boundaries”?
Silver Button Books 